Sex, Syrup & Other Sticky Things

Sex, Syrup & Other Sticky Things

So I’ve told you all about the time I lost my virginity and the disappointment that was. Well, let me tell you about the time I almost lost my virginity. Honestly, I lowkey wish this was how it really happened since it was so eventful but then again the more I think about it, the happier I get that this cherry wasn’t popped in the backseat of a Jeep.

I was a senior in high school and I’m not exactly sure how this night began but I can guarantee it all began with a couple lies told to our parents about where we were going. All I know is that I ended up in the car with my thottiest best friend, her boyfriend, cousin and the headass nigga I was in love with for one too many years. For some reason, whenever I hung out with my girl we always got into some random ass bullshit…fun bullshit, but bullshit nonetheless. This particular night’s bullshit involved me getting completely fucked up, smoking for the first time and attempting to get a dick shoved up my ass…yea, I know. Told y’all it was some bullshit.

So the five of us ended up at some guy’s house and y’all this had to be some of the first few times I’ve ever gotten drunk because I was ON ONE. I wasn’t a smoker and alcohol honestly tasted good to me for the first couple years of drinking, so I was all for it. Plus, I was shy as hell & I figured there was nothing better than a little liquid courage to help me secure this boy I was seemingly so in love with. Wellllll, a little turned into a lot (naturally) and next thing I know, my ass is drunk as fuck. I honestly can’t even tell y’all too much of what happened at that house because I blacked out during most of it. Don’t judge me, I was only 17 or 18 lmao. We’ve all been there. The gods above won’t let me forget one brief moment of me attempting to smoke for the first time though haha. I don’t know why anyone thought this was a good idea, but my trashed ass was trying to smoke for the very first time out of a bong…I’m cringing just thinking about it haha.

After who knows how long, we all decide to leave and I’m tellin y’all, I WAS READY! As soon as we hopped in the car, I immediately hopped on top of my guy. Like immediately. It took everyone, including myself, by surprise. But hey, that’s what a little bit of liq liq will do to me haha. So he’s surprised but of course he’s all for it. Next thing I know, we’re making out and it was NOT good but I didn’t care because 1. I loved him & 2. I was fucked up. It’s funny because to this day, he still can’t kiss for shit! It’s not horrible but our lips just aren’t compatible or something lmao. My lips are big as hell and his are small as fuck…not a good match. Plus, he’s always in such rush & not in a good way. I always try to take the lead and guide to how I like things, but he just won’t listen even when I told him about it. Anyways, next thing I know, he’s trying to stick his dick in my virginal ass pussy. Might I add that I wasn’t wet in the slightest so this wasn’t about to work even if he tried to shove that shit in…which he did. Once he notices that it wasn’t working, he lays me on my back to give me head. Keep in mind, my friend’s cousin was also in the backseat with us & he was a pretty big dude so it’s not like we had any room to actually be doing all this shit. My head was damn near laying on the kid lmao.

So he’s doin his “thing” apparently and then pulls me back on top of him to try again one more time. Shit still isn’t working because he didn’t yet grasp the concept of fine dining on pussy. Instead of just stopping, he proceeded to try and slither his dick into my ass…why did he think this was a good idea lmaoo? If it’s not fitting in my vagina WHYYYY would it fit in my ass?! Safe to say that shit didn’t work either. At some point after all that we ended up at his house to drop him off & I was sad to see him go but ya girl was so geeked about what just took place.

My stupid ass y’all. I remember feeling soo damn accomplished after all this took place haha. My asshole was so sore from his dick trying to make it’s way inside me and I was actually proud about it…cringing yet again. But wait, I forgot the most romantic part: right after our drunken encounter he tweeted a little subliminal love poem & I quote, “Just the tip”. Ahh, good times.

Signed,

#IfHeWouldveAteMyPussyRightIWouldveLostMyVirginityInAJeep