Letters from a Carefree Black Girl

Letters from a Carefree Black Girl

Since my last entry a lot has changed. I quit my 9-5 (or in my case, a 7-6) to work on Culture Piece fulltime and I honestly couldn’t be happier with my decision! A calmness and sense of peace has surrounded me since then. I’m finally able to focus on what makes my heart content.  I’m able to write all day, cover concerts more often, and travel; all for my job. Don’t be fooled though, the stress is still definitely there but it’s nowhere near as potent as it was before.

 

It’s so weird, to be working for myself and being 21 years old. The Imposter Syndrome has always been alive for me unfortunately, and this kind of heightens it. At this age, it almost feels like there’d be no other options other than college or working a 9-5 that you hate. If you know a little about my story, you’ll know that college didn’t exactly work out for me haha! Long story short, I went to a $43,000 private university without actually having money or the means to get accepted for a loan that could cover that. Granted, I did have a pretty good scholarship, but even that didn’t cover the astronomical balance I had to pay. Sooo I ended up getting that email at the end of 1st semester telling me I had a week to get that money or get my shit out. Well, I got my shit out and went back to my parents house lmao. I’m happy I can laugh about that shit now, because when I tell y’all I was BAWLING!

 

Anyways, once I dropped out of school I was convinced that I wouldn’t amount to much as I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to do outside of modeling (ha). 2018 was the year I was supposed to graduate and just a couple months shy of that, I somehow managed to create a platform and a CAREER (HOW SWAY?!). I’ve always been on a quest to make everyone around me proud. I’ve come to find that a mentality like that isn’t always best. I was too focused on what others wanted me to be rather than what my soul wanted me to be. The moment I actually sat down and decided to live my life for myself, was the moment shit started getting better for me.

 

Not really sure of the point of this entry, as always lol. But I thought I’d share what’s going on with me and to also leave you with this: do what the fuck YOU want to do. Stop living other people’s dreams, following THEIR dreams, and just do YOU.

 

Words by Maya Clark // @mayaexplains

Illustration by Jessy Carenee